Nonviolence belongs to a continuum from the personal to the global, and from the global to the personal. One of the most significant Buddhist interpretations of nonviolence concerns the application of this ideal to daily life. Nonviolence is not some exalted regimen that can be practiced only by a monk or a master; it also pertains to the way one interacts with a child, vacuums a carpet, or waits in line. Besides the more obvious forms of violence, whenever we separate ourselves from a given situation (for example, through inattentiveness, negative judgments, or impatience), we kill something valuable. However subtle it may be, such violence actually leaves victims in its wake: people, things, one's own composure, the moment itself. According to the Buddhist reckoning, these small-scale incidences of violence accumulate relentlessly, are multiplied on a social level, and become a source of the large-scale violence that can sweep down upon us so suddenly. One need not wait until war is declared and bullets are flying to work for peace, Buddhism teaches. A more constant and equally urgent battle must be waged each day against the forces of one's own anger, carelessness and self-absorption.

--Kenneth Kraft, Inner Peace, World Peace
from Everyday Mind, edited by Jean Smith, a Tricycle book

Inspiring (and refreshing) wisdom from His Holiness the Dalai Lama.......

Proof of Love
We humans have existed in our present form for about a hundred thousand years. I believe that if during this time the human mind had been primarily controlled by anger and hatred, our overall population would have decreased. But today, despite all our wars, we find that the human population is greater than ever. This clearly indicates to me that love and compassion predominate in the world. And this is why unpleasant events are "news"; compassionate activities are so much a part of daily life that they are taken for granted and, therefore, largely ignored.

--in Compassion and the Individual
from Everyday Mind

Mmmmmm.....I received some words of wisdom from Tricycle's Daily Dharma in my inbox at just the right moment to spark some fruitful reflection.  I feel I'm in safe company to admit I've been engaging in a fair amount of self-flagellation lately...mostly for my resistance to what is, my continued patterns of defensiveness, and my fearful heart.  In a nutshell, for not being "spiritual" enough.  After reflecting upon the irony of that, I usually hit myself with the 1-2 punch of my personal favorite self-torture device:  Judging myself for judging myself!

Oooooh, to let go of this crazy, churning mind!  The tricky thing is, I find that in desiring to let go of it, I'm actually resisting it, which keeps me in its grasp.....Poor mind; it's just doing what it does....why do I have to push it away?!  (As if I could anyway, with that "mind"set.)

BUT NOT TO RESIST IT......

As Tara Brach writes in her beautiful book Radical Acceptance, waking up to the fullness of our being requires us to lean into our experience - which is an interdependent process of clear awareness coupled with gently holding our experience with compassion (in other words, self-love).  When I get caught up in this mind-mode (or an emotional feeling state), I find that awareness alone is sometimes not enough (because of that pesky judging for judgment phenomenon I mentioned).  I find I am served much more richly by also focusing on opening to my boundless, loving heart (and directing that energy to myself).  This morning, I actually tried to visualize my spinning mind as a fearful child or crying baby, holding it ever so gently, with the utmost love and compassion.  Only when I cultivate both of these principles simultaneously do I begin to find a peaceful release from the judging-mind-loop, and a sense of open expansiveness enveloping my being.

Here are the quotes that spawned this self-reflection:

Lovingkindness
For a true spiritual transformation to flourish, we must see beyond [the] tendency to mental
self-flagellation. Spirituality based on self-hatred becomes martyrdom.
Morality born of self-hatred becomes rigid repression. Love for others
without the foundation of love for ourselves becomes a loss of
boundaries, co-dependency, and a painful and fruitless search for
intimacy. But when we contact, through meditation, our true nature, we
can allow others to also find theirs.

-Sharon Salzberg,
Lovingkindness

Wherever You Go, There You Are
When you dwell in stillness, the judging mind can come through like a foghorn. "I don't like the pain in my knee...This is boring...I like this feeling of stillness; I had a good meditation yesterday, but today I'm having a bad meditation...It's not working for me. I'm no good at this. I'm no good, period..."

This type of thinking dominates the mind and weighs it down. It's like carrying around a suitcase full of rocks on your head. It feels good to put it down. Imagine how it might feel to suspend all your judging and instead to let each moment be just as it is, without attempting to evaluate it as "good" or "bad." This would be a true stillness, a true liberation. Meditation means cultivating a non-judging attitude toward what comes up in the mind, come what may.

-Jon Kabat-Zinn, Wherever You Go, There You Are

Again, for me, Tara's words on Radical Acceptance offer further guidance on how to translate these words of wisdom into action in the world: 

"Rather than trying to vanquish waves of emotion and rid ourselves of an inherently impure self, we turn around and embrace this life in all its realness -- broken, messy, mysterious and vibrantly alive.  By cultivating an unconditional and accepting presence, we are no longer battling against ourselves, keeping our wild and imperfect self in a cage of judgment and mistrust.  Instead, we are discovering the freedom of becoming authentic and fully alive."  -- Radical Acceptance, p. 42

Can't you just feel it in your body?  Relaxing into yourself more deeply than the best massage?  This is something I just might be able to do......Until the next time I don't, that is!

Much love,
Beth

I received the following from a dear friend, and it is so wonderful I just had to share it.  Ahhh, such sweet wisdom from the mouths of babes!  (By the way, that's Benjamin up above with Aidan, his partner in crime!)

What does Love mean? 

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?" The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

·        "When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore.  So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." Rebecca- age 8

·        "When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."  Billy - age 4 

·        "Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other." Karl - age 5

·        "Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."  Chrissy - age 6 

·        "Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." Terri - age 4

·        "Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."  Danny - age 7

·        "Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"  Emily - age 8

·        "Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen." Bobby - age 7

·        "If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate," Nikka - age 6

·        "Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday." Noelle - age 7

·        "Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."  Tommy - age 6

·        "During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.  He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore." Cindy - age 8

·        "My mommy loves me more than anybody You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."   Clare - age 6

·        "Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."  Elaine-age 5

·        "Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford."  Chris - age 7

·        "Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."  MaryAnn - age 4

·        "I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."  Lauren - age 4

·        "When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you."  Karen - age 7

·        "Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross." Mark - age 6

·        "You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."   Jessica - age 8

·        And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry."

When I read the following excerpt from John Welwood's amazing book "Love and Awakening," I was brought to tears by the feeling of deep, resonant truth that arose within me.  I'm sharing these words in the hopes that they may similarly touch some of you.

"A soul connection is a resonance between two people who respond to the essential beauty of each other's individual natures, behind their facades, and who connect on this deeper level.  This kind of mutual recognition provides the catalyst for a potent alchemy.  It is a sacred alliance whose purpose is to help both partners discover and realize their deepest potentials.  While a heart connection lets us appreciate those we love just as they are, a soul connection opens up a further dimension -- seeing and loving them for who they could be, and for who we could become under their influence.  This means recognizing that we both have an important part to play in helping each other become more fully who we are....A soul connection not only inspires us to expand, but also forces us to confront whatever stands in the way of that expansion....

...While our soul unfolds and reveals itself in uniquely personal ways, its roots extend much deeper than the personal realm.  Like a separate drop of water with an innate tendency to find its way back to the ocean that is its source, soul contains a longing to connect with our home-ground, to realize our deeper essence as pure, open presence.  Yet soul also contains a yearning to embody our larger nature in this world, to know ourselves in this human form.  Thus soul is an intermediate principle or bridge, which allows a living integration between the two sides of our nature:  the individual and the universal, the embodied realm of personal experience and the formless presence of pure being, pure spirit.

The experience of soul always contains this double yearning:  to feel the meaning and beauty of our individual life, and to connect with the larger, universal currents of life flowing through us.  As Rumi describes this two-way flow:  'Do not think that the drop only becomes the ocean.  So too the ocean becomes the drop.'  If soul could describe itself, it would no doubt use words like those of Yunus Emre, another Sufi poet:  'I am the drop that contains the sea.  How beautiful to be an ocean hidden within an infinite drop.'

Our great challenge as human beings is to live fully in both these worlds.  We are not just this body/mind organism; we are also a being/awareness/presence much larger than our particular shape and form.  Nor are we just this larger, formless being; we are also incarnate as this individual.....As a bridge between these two realms, soul makes itself felt through inner pulls and promptings, like a magnetic compass needle pointing the way, or a dowsing rod leading to water.  When we become submerged in our ego-trance, it calls us to wake up; and if we try to float above this life, it calls us back to earth....

...While our absolute nature, as pure being or open presence, is timeless and changeless,....our soul evolves and deepens through cultivating and embodying the seed potentials -- for courage, strength, generosity, humor, tenderness, wisdom -- contained in this larger nature.  The essence of spiritual work is to realize and continually reorient ourselves toward our being, our absolute nature; and this is what leads to ultimate freedom.  Yet spiritual realizations often remain compartmentalized, apart from everyday life, or become used as a rationale for living in an impersonal or soulless way.  That is why, if we are to live our realizations and bring them into this world, we also need to work on the vessel of spirit -- our embodied humanity.  Soulwork is the forging of this vessel......If spiritual work brings freedom, soulwork brings integration.  Both are necessary for a complete human life."

-- John Welwood, "Love & Awakening" (pp. 50-53)

I was tagged by David....  Here are five things most people (on Zaadz) don't generally know about me:

(1)  I won a hula-hoop contest when I was 10 (almost 2 hours straight until my mom made me quit because we were going to be late for church).  When no one is watching, I'm still known to hoop around my living room to good music on occasion.....

(2)  I am a lawyer, and, while we're on the subject of me winning contests, I also won the award for Best Oral Advocate in the Moot Court Competition while I was in law school (Obi, no comments please).

(3)  I like to indulge myself by eating a little somethin' sweet pretty much every day (usually a soy chai latte or some dark chocolate or an Uncle Eddy's vegan cookie (or two)).

(4)  My first meditation practice was when I was about 12 years old - I used to climb barefoot onto my horse's bare back, lay down on her, close my eyes and dream while she grazed around the pasture.  (That was one good thing about growing up in Nebraska!)

(5)  When it's cold outside, I looooooove snuggling up in front of a nice warm fire, especially in a cozy little cabin in Topanga.  :-)

The five people I am tagging are:

MsCapriKell
Baba Ram Jahn
Bhavneesh
Michael
Scott

I've been thinking a lot lately how perfectionism can hold us back in life, keep us from fulfilling our desires and destinies, and even paralyze us at times.  Worst of all, perfectionism activates the inner critic who tells us we are not living up to our own standards and, on some deep down unconscious level, may even make us feel we are not worthy of love.  While obviously it is good to strive to be the best we can be (we wouldn't grow without doing so), in my view, setting overly demanding expectations for ourselves ironically serves only to impede growth.  

I've seen this happen repeatedly with my 5-year-old son, who has huuuuuge perfectionist tendencies - he can conceive in his mind of exactly what he wants to achieve, and if he can't do it perfectly, he gets so frustrated it often paralyzes him such that he doesn't even want to try.  Time and time again, I attempt to teach him that most of life is practice not results, the journey is the destination, and other such wise lessons (which he mostly ignores). 

Witnessing this dynamic with my son has led me to think about how this same tendency affects me (and so many others) as adults, albeit in much subtler ways....but it's there.  It seems to me to be a particularly common affliction for those of us on the spiritual path - we care so much about doing the right thing, being a positive influence, spreading the love, changing the world, and living up to all sorts of beautiful values, that we become acutely (painfully) aware of our shortcomings and weaknesses.  This kind of self-reflection is good to a point.  But, when it is taken so far that we lack compassion, patience or love for ourselves, then it seems to me we are actually moving backward on the path....these feelings inspire contraction, not expansion.  After all, if we can't love ourselves, are we really capable of loving others???  We not only lose touch with our own divine spark, but we also seem to forget that as human beings in the world of form, we are works-in-progress.  As I tell my son, the journey is the destination.

In the midst of pondering these thoughts, the universe (in the form of fellow Zaadzsters) sent me two wonderful bits of wisdom, as it so often does if we are open enough to listen and receive.  Both of these quotes were so insightful and inspiring to me, helping me to hold myself in love and compassion even on my most uninspired or small-minded days, that I am moved to share them so they might help you as well.

The first, from Abraham Maslow:

"There are no perfect human beings!  Persons can be found who are good, very good indeed, in fact, great. There do in fact exist creators, seers, sages, saints, shakers, and movers...even if they are uncommon and do not come by the dozen. And yet these very same people can at times be boring, irritating, petulant, selfish, angry, or depressed. To avoid disillusionment with human nature, we must first give up our illusions about it."  ~Abraham Maslow (from Motivation and Personality)

The second, from Paulo Coelho:

"Warriors of light always have a gleam in their eyes.

They are of this world, they are part of the lives of other people and they set out on their journey with no saddlebags and no sandals. They are often cowardly. They do not always make the right decisions.

They suffer over the most trivial things, they have mean thoughts and sometimes believe they are incapable of growing. They frequently deem themselves unworthy of any blessing or miracle.

They are not always quite sure what they are doing here. They spend many sleepless nights, believing that their lives have no meaning.

That is why they are warriors of light. Because they make mistakes. Because they ask themselves questions. Because they are looking for a reason - and are sure to find it."

~Paulo Coelho (from Manual of the Warrior of Light)

Such beautiful truth.  Here's to striving, growth, gentleness and self-compassion, living in balance and harmony inside all of us!

You've got to LOVE this - staggering responsibility but limitless POSSIBILITY at the very same time......

The Future Is Not a Given

The future is not a given. What's going to happen is not already known and is not predetermined. So often, we tend to hold onto metaphysical worldviews that tell us that the higher levels and stages of development are already laid out. But they're not. This is a new way of thinking: the recognition that the structures of the future are yet to be determined, yet to be created. And they don't create themselves; they are created to the degree to which human beings at the leading edge consciously engage in the evolutionary process. Only those individuals who are way ahead of their time begin to create these new structures or grooves in consciousness, and in time, when others progress through the lower stages, they're going to follow those grooves that have been laid by the evolutionary pioneers who went before them. When enough people take that path, those grooves get deeper and eventually become stages that everybody is going to develop through automatically. So the awakening human at the leading edge today bears a profound responsibility to be an evolutionary pioneer—to be the one who is literally living in that place between the present and the future. There is no one else who can do this for us.

Andrew Cohen

Growing up in a small town in Nebraska, my family lived pretty close to the land.  I would guess that at least half of our food came from my mother’s enormous garden (fresh in the summer, home-canned or frozen for the winter) and venison and fish that my father hunted or caught.   Although my mother outwardly appeared much more church-lady than hippie, deep down she was all about the peace, love and natural foods.  I think my sisters and I were the only children in rural Nebraska who had ever eaten tabouli (homemade, no less) and Sunburger (which my mother purchased in bulk at the natural foods co-op).  You might think I would have appreciated this, but no – my sisters and I were completely ungrateful and oblivious to the wonderful gifts my mother was giving us in raising us this way.  Rather, I was insanely jealous of all the kids at school who were given Twinkies and Doritos in their lunches, when my own Bionic Woman lunch box contained such wholesome goodies as homemade granola, fresh fruit and carrot sticks.  Occasionally, my mom would bake homemade cookies as a treat, but do you think I even appreciated that?  Oh no, all I could dream about were Pop-tarts and Oreos.  To make matters worse, my sisters and I felt like indentured servants, spending countless Saturday afternoons under the hot sun in my mother’s garden, pulling weeds and picking vegetables amidst mosquitoes, bees and the occasional garter snake while our friends were at the roller rink (probably drinking soda and eating Skittles).  My mom thought we’d feel a sense of accomplishment in eating a dinner of fresh stir-fry made from vegetables we had grown and harvested ourselves, but again, this subtle pleasure was lost on us.  We really just wanted McDonald’s. 

 Lucky for us, my mother persevered in the face of all kinds of complaints, ingratitude, hunger strikes, and full-on temper tantrums in the supermarket begging for sugar cereal.  On some level, she must have known that all her determination would pay off in the end.  She may have been concerned for awhile, because when I left home and went to college, I spent the first couple of years bingeing on pizza and all manner of chemical-laden processed food like a crack addict.  But sooner or later, I naturally gravitated back to my roots (I'm sure to my mother's relief).  Other than the time when I was pregnant with my son and getting back in shape afterward (and the occasional wild salmon caught by my dad), I have been vegetarian for over ten years, and I buy organic whenever possible.

 This summer, however, I decided to kick it up a few notches.  Inspired by my sweet David (and by a recent Andrew Cohen retreat we attended, during which time we deepened our commitment to choosing consciously in every daily decision and action), I have made the transition to eating vegan, and if it’s not available organic, I probably won’t buy it at this point.  I’m fortunate enough right now to have a light work schedule, and I always love a good project (especially if it’s spiritual), so I have made it a cornerstone of my practice this summer to nourish my loved ones with fresh and healthy meals that are kind to the planet and the animals.  I believe that food is infused with prana, and that by preparing it with gratitude and a loving intention, I increase its vitality and nourishing qualities for the bodies and souls of those who eat it.  For my five-year-old son, I’ve decided for the time being not to go totally vegan, but many of his meals are.  What dairy he gets is consciously chosen from sources I know to be organic, and from small farms which treat the animals well.  Sometimes this means a little extra running around from store to store for me, but there is no question that it is worth it.

 I’ve been making it a part of my routine to shop each Wednesday at the amazing Santa Monica Farmer’s Market, where beautiful and vibrant locally-grown and organic produce abounds.  I also picked up a copy of a Vegan Planet, which is a fantastic cookbook and a good jumping off point for my own culinary creativity.  I’ve been having so much fun, and it feels so deeply satisfying to take care of myself and those I love in this way.

 Last night, when I was cajoling (okay, bribing) my son to try his organic tofu and veggie stir fry (which I just knew he would love, and he did – once he finally tasted it), it dawned on me that I have become the urban 2006 version of my mother.  And this realization made me feel so wonderful deep inside.  Honestly, I could not feel prouder or more grateful to have been raised by this amazing woman who so quietly and gently instilled me with all kinds of wonderful values – never preaching, always just leading by example (okay, maybe there was a little coercion when it came to church attendance and garden servitude).  Who knows what’s next for me?  Maybe next summer I’ll be ready to start my own garden.  Well, maybe not quite – to my shame, I still have a hard time keeping house plants alive.  (I felt compelled to admit this because of my humility – another value from my beloved mother!!)

Today I am wishing a very happy 65th birthday to my beautiful mother.  May she enjoy another healthy 65 (and she just might, due to all that clean livin')!

And here's to moms everywhere, making sacrifices and tough decisions, showering their children with love and care, and rarely being thanked (or even noticed) for this.  Eventually, we do appreciate it (usually when we become mothers ourselves)!